Ways to make sport more interesting – what would you do?
I’ve been thinking about ways to inject some new life into sports, here’s what I’ve got so far:
1 – Football – Give each footballer a violin, insist it’s played at all times whilst on the pitch. Under 16’s have kazoos instead.
2 – F1 Racing – Two-thirds into the race, take away the cars, make them run round.
3 – Golf – Re-locate the holes, but don’t tell the golfers where they are – they still have to continue putting regardless.
4 – Darts – Create a new rule which states it can only be played in zero gravity.
5 – Boxing – Put squeakers in the gloves.
6 – Wrestling – Replace the ring with a bouncy castle.
7 – Football – Mount catapults on each corner, to replace corner kicks.
8 – F1 Racing – Replace the cars with shopping trolleys. Wobbly shopping trolleys.
9 – Athletic running – Give each runner a Nerf gun or water pistol, to be used against fellow runners.
10 – Hunting – Take away the horses, replace their guns with water pistols and cover each hunter in gravy. Now let’s see how much fun they have in the woodland….
11 – Hockey/rugby/football – Replace the ‘sin bin’ with a lion cage.
12 – Football again – Above the goal, have a platform on top of which stands a giant Nerf/tennis ball cannon, a la Gladiators.
13 – Snooker – Have Sid Waddell provide commentary, audible to the players.
14 – Cricket – ……erm……lost cause? Give them a pack of cards instead. Poker is easier to understand.
It’s a funny old language isn’t it? Ever stop to think about the things we say? Such as……
“Well wouldn’t you like to know” – Well yes, that’s kinda why we ask…..
“That’s for me to know and you to find out” – Well that’s where you come in, genius.
“Ah, that would be telling” – Yes, that would be telling, THAT’S WHY WE FRIGGING WELL ASK!!! We ask, you tell, that’s how a conversation works….*sigh*
“Believe you me” – Erm, what? Want to say that again with the words the right way round?
“Basic fail” – Ok, someone help me out here – when people say this, are they being ironic? Is it a joke I’m not getting? Has grammar been thrown out the window?
“Bare jokes” – 😦 . At some stage, “bare” suddenly became another word for “more”………yeah.
“At the end of the day” – Slightly OT, but anyway…..Used to use this regularly (it’s a metaphor that works – I occasionally speak in metaphor. You may have noticed.), but now thanks to a certain J.Kyle’s programme, I try (and sometimes fail) to avoid it. They’ve turned it into a cliched term, which bugs me.
Random thoughts – How long is a donkey’s year? Why exactly is Nora flaming? Who first put Christ on a bike? Just what time do the cows come home?
Local post-hardcore act Scream!Shout!SayNothing! (featuring members of Frog Stupid, Spandex Ballet, Arms & The Man, The Waterfront, among others) have recorded a special version of ‘Conductor, Conduct’ to help raise money for The British Red Cross and their Japan Tsunami Appeal. It’s available on a ‘Pay What You Like’ basis, from this link here.
Also included is an mp3 of the track ‘But Sir, I’m The King’, taken from their S!S!SN!’s first album, available on Scylla Records. The original version of ‘Conductor, Conduct’ is set for inclusion on their forthcoming second album.
For fans of Thrice, Alexisonfire and Hell Is For Heroes.