Wishing death to fashioncore since 2005

What if Football was more like WWE?

Soccermania?

Earlier this year, there was a rumour that WWE’s owner Vince McMahon was interested in buying the English football team Newcastle United. Whilst I’m still not certain how accurate this was, the thought occurred to me – what if Football was more like American wrestling?

"He was never offside brother!"

“He was never offside brother!”

Here are some ideas that could be transferred over:

– New costumes to replace their regular kits – entering the stadium with Ultimate Warrrior’s facepaint, Legion Of Doom-style shoulderpads or Golddust’s outfit would be an interesting way of adding more colour. I personally wouldn’t complain if one team dressed as The Headbangers, but then I would say that….Or The Hart Foundation, they were snappy dressers.

Imagine if more sportsmen channeled the same energy and fire as this legend.  RIP Ultimate Warrior.

Imagine if more sportsmen channeled the same energy and fire as this legend.
RIP Ultimate Warrior.

– More dramatic entrances – entering with Kane’s pyrotechnics along with The Undertaker’s entrance theme, that would intimidate the opposing team, right? ‘Bushwhacking’ optional.

– They perform all pre- and post-game interviews in the style of Rowdy Roddy Piper. Catchphrases to be encouraged, with use of “At the end of the day….” to be banned.

– Jerry Lawler (Jim Ross has been suggested too) to commentate. I personally think that Lawler is the funniest commentator they’ve ever had, and the current Lawler/Michael Cole/JBL team seems to work well.

– Matches in cages, or surrounded by fire.

Inferno cup match, anyone?

Inferno cup match, anyone?

– How about some run-ins? McMahon runs in dressed in a ref’s shirt, or members from the sub bench or even other teams get involved when the ref’s not looking, with a second/third ball, just to confuse matters.

– Anyone caught faking a dive/exaggerating an injury actually gets whacked with a chair.

– Blindfold matches. Strap matches could be fun too – imagine each player strapped to another from the opposing team.

Admit it, you'd love to see a whole pitch of this. I would.

Admit it, you’d love to see a whole pitch of this.
I would.

– ‘Goals count anywhere’ matches; match boundaries are limitless, with a ‘jumpers for goalposts’ rule coming into play, depending on how far they get outside the arena. Ref to be supplied with a Segway, for the hell of it.

You’d potentially end up with a match of one team in Demolition’s attire, against a team of Doinks. One holding with a large snake, the other with parrots. Possibly.

"Ref! Ref! What do you mean, sharpshooters are illegal on the pitch!?"

“Ref! Ref! What do you mean, sharpshooters are illegal on the pitch!?”

My thanks to my Facebook friends for a couple of their suggestions.

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