Wishing death to fashioncore since 2005

Archive for July, 2015

One-line movie reviews

I may have cheated a little bit….

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Recently, I set myself a challenge: write as many movie reviews as possible, using just one line. How well do you think I’ve done?

* SPOILER ALERT: he wins in the end – Rocky II-V

* It stars a French Scotsman and a Scottish Spaniard, and they can’t die because they’re really aliens – Highlander 1-2

* A dystopian future where policemen now come in tins – Robocop 1-3

* How to thwart an alien invasion using their own USB ports, and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air – Independence Day

* It’s ok, the dog actually survives (seriously though, who could you make a film where the dog dies??), you’re safe with this one – K9

* Nope, not falling for that! – Marley & Me

* This film is just a figment of your imagination and doesn’t actually exist; in the words of Tasha Yar, “It didn’t happen!” – Star Trek: Nemesis

* It’s got past the stage where it might be seen as tragic; he’s just being plain clumsy with his family now – Taken 3

* Seagal’s often clumsy with his famiy too – Any Seagal film.

* Can we watch Bill & Ted instead? – The Matrix

* Still waiting for that third Bill & Ted – The Matrix 2

* Bill & Ted…. just putting it out there – The Matrix 3

* Worst episode of Come Dine With Me ever – Red Dragon

* Did you know that if you watch the whole saga backwards, it becomes the heartwarming tale of an evil cyborg’s quest to become a real human boy? – The Star Wars series

* Know what makes me mad? Lack of closure. – Mad Max 3: Beyond Thunderdome

* Worst episode of Deal Or No Deal ever – Se7en

* Man solves evil Rubix Cube, gets worst facial piercings ever – Hellraiser

* Would’ve been better off with a Teddy Ruxbin, just saying – Child’s Play

* Although, if you’ve ever wondered what would happen if Charlie Sheen possessed Teddy Ruxbin…. – Ted

* Nine hours of proof that Gandalf doesn’t know any flight or teleportations spells – Lord Of The Rings

* They’ve managed to cross Independence Day with Wreck-It Ralph? – Pixels

* Imagine if after Home Alone, Kevin goes into Witness Protection with a new name, but grows into a bitter man with a more twisted imagination and thirst for vengeance – SAW

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‘Korn’ and ‘Demanufacture’ hit the 20-year mark

Not feeling old now or anything

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Two 90s metal albums, both key albums during my teens, are now twenty years old – wow. These are Korn’s classic self-titled debut, and Fear Factory’s immense second album, ‘Demanufacture’. Both albums have been celebrated by critics and fans alike, with the anniversaries of both being marked by album performance tours.

When ‘Korn’ debuted, it was a true revelation, not only because it spawned an entire new genre of heavy music, but because that, thanks to frontman Jonathan Davis’s brutally open and honest lyrics, they were genuinely relatable. Oh and they were the first (only?) band to include bagpipes in their material.

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Fear Factory’s ‘Demanufacture’ helped them become genre champions, pretty much laughing in the face of that old ‘difficult second album’ problem faced by many bands, and still sounds just as sharp and immediate as ever.

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Another thing both albums have in common – the buzz their intro tracks both create for the listener. Have a listen to Korn’s ‘Blind’ and the title song for ‘Demanufacture’ for proof.

Special mention should also go FF’s labelmates Machine Head’s debut album ‘Burn My Eyes’ – twenty years old last year, and in my opinion, still their strongest album.

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People aren’t always full of praise when referring to metal from the 90s – perhaps they’re forgetting about the existence of these three albums? Not to mention Sepultura’s ‘Chaos AD’ and ‘Roots’. Or Pantera’s ‘Cowboys Fom Hell’ and ‘A Vulgar Display Of Power’. Or White Zombie’s ‘Astro Creep 2000’. Or Metallica’s self-titled (‘Black’) album…. I could go on. Another blog entry maybe!

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