I may have cheated a little bit….
Recently, I set myself a challenge: write as many movie reviews as possible, using just one line. How well do you think I’ve done?
* SPOILER ALERT: he wins in the end – Rocky II-V
* It stars a French Scotsman and a Scottish Spaniard, and they can’t die because they’re really aliens – Highlander 1-2
* A dystopian future where policemen now come in tins – Robocop 1-3
* How to thwart an alien invasion using their own USB ports, and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air – Independence Day
* It’s ok, the dog actually survives (seriously though, who could you make a film where the dog dies??), you’re safe with this one – K9
* Nope, not falling for that! – Marley & Me
* This film is just a figment of your imagination and doesn’t actually exist; in the words of Tasha Yar, “It didn’t happen!” – Star Trek: Nemesis
* It’s got past the stage where it might be seen as tragic; he’s just being plain clumsy with his family now – Taken 3
* Seagal’s often clumsy with his famiy too – Any Seagal film.
* Can we watch Bill & Ted instead? – The Matrix
* Still waiting for that third Bill & Ted – The Matrix 2
* Bill & Ted…. just putting it out there – The Matrix 3
* Worst episode of Come Dine With Me ever – Red Dragon
* Did you know that if you watch the whole saga backwards, it becomes the heartwarming tale of an evil cyborg’s quest to become a real human boy? – The Star Wars series
* Know what makes me mad? Lack of closure. – Mad Max 3: Beyond Thunderdome
* Worst episode of Deal Or No Deal ever – Se7en
* Man solves evil Rubix Cube, gets worst facial piercings ever – Hellraiser
* Would’ve been better off with a Teddy Ruxbin, just saying – Child’s Play
* Although, if you’ve ever wondered what would happen if Charlie Sheen possessed Teddy Ruxbin…. – Ted
* Nine hours of proof that Gandalf doesn’t know any flight or teleportations spells – Lord Of The Rings
* They’ve managed to cross Independence Day with Wreck-It Ralph? – Pixels
* Imagine if after Home Alone, Kevin goes into Witness Protection with a new name, but grows into a bitter man with a more twisted imagination and thirst for vengeance – SAW