A brief look back at career highlights
So I finally got round to watching what has been revealed as The Undertaker’s retirement match, against Roman Reigns at Wrestlemania 33. It was kinda sad, but I can understand why it had to happen.
But first, gonna go backwards to 1990.
I can still vividly recall sitting to watch Survivor Series ’90 (not only the first S’Series I had ever seen, but only the second big event I’d seen at that point, after Summerslam ’90 earlier that year). My dad would tape them overnight on a VHS tape for us to watch the following day, being too young at that point to sit up to watch. In the build-up, there had been a mystery surrounding the identity of ‘The Million Dollar Man’ Ted Debiase’s surprise 4th partner in his team, the other two being Rhythm ‘n’ Blues. The night came, and Debiase announces his identity, and what followed was the unveiling of the tallest, scariest looking wrestler I’d seen at that point – The Undertaker, hailing from Death Valley, accompanied by Brother Love. Love would of course eventually hand over management duties to one Paul Bearer, before being retired by The Ultimate Warrior a few months later. The Undertaker would go on to get himself counted-out whilst attacking Koko B.Ware, whom he had just eliminated.
One year later, ‘taker would go on to face and defeat Hulk Hogan at Survivor Series ’91, for his first Championship reign, though he would lose it back again just days later, in a decision that would eventually end up with the title being vacated and awarded to the winner of ’92’s Royal Rumble, Ric Flair. Sadly, this wouldn’t be his only short title reign over the years, or indeed the only time he’d be cheated of a decent win – for one example, jump forward to Royal Rumble’94, some might recall the coffin match he had with Yokozuna, which saw him defeated when seemingly most of WWF’s heel roster came out to assist.
There’s far too much in The Undertaker’s history to go into here, but many qualities, events and storylines would see him remain a firm fixture and eventually one of the most popular WWF/WWE wrestlers of all time. These include (just from memory by the way):
– His top rope-walking ability – impressive for anyone, let alone a man his size.
– 92’s face-turn, resulting in a match against former ally Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts at Wrestlemana VIII.
– His ‘disappearance’ in ’94 after the aforementioned coffin match, which resulted in (again) Ted Debiase bringing out a doppelganger ‘Undertaker’ (Brian Lee from SMW Wrestling, his real-life cousin), before the real Undertaker would come back to defeat the fake one at Summerslam ’94.
– The period during which Paul Bearer was also missing, notable for it being a time when The Undertaker’s wrestling style would actually change; even his critics would notice how capable, agile and fluid a wrestler he could be when tested.
– The longest Wrestlemania winning streak of all time – many wrestlers who fought him at Wrestlemania were never seen in the federation again.
There were other moments which, for me at least, weren’t quite as enjoyable. The ‘Corporate Ministry’ thing just became silly (even though it did eventually birth the APA tag team of Ron Simmons and Justin Bradshaw), and his more humanised ‘American Badass’ image a while after this (with his Limp Bizkit/Kid Rock theme music) didn’t appeal to me as much.
Fast forward to 2014, and the match against Brock Lesnar. It has to be said though that The Undertaker was past his peak at this point, as much as I hate to say it – perhaps if the match had occurred in 2004, it would have been a different story, but the decision to break the streak ultimately laid with higher management. My annoyance with that match was perhaps overshadowed by that with Paul Heyman’s impression of a broken record for the next several months afterwards (“MY CLIEEENT….” yeah, we get it). Still, it was good to see ‘taker’s career continue afterwards, with a win over Bray Wyatt at Wrestlemania 31, and a strong match against Shane McMahon at Wrestlemania 32 last year.
Jump again to 2017, and whilst I admit this is only speculation on my part, I can understand why he chose to end on a loss, rather than have one last win. One could argue that, had he won, he’d be constantly be dogged by ‘one more match’ demands and rumours – these would get annoying after a while. So, with that in mind, with a recorded loss instead, this perhaps would be a better way of saying to everyone (fans, industry, etc) “Look I’m done now, I simply cannot continue.” I personally, as a long-time fan, would rather see him continue to live comfortably and in better health, rather than see him risk it all to appease demand. Mark is 52 years old now, and has nothing left to prove.
There will never be another Undertaker. No one with the ability to build that atmosphere, with that mystique, no one who’ll make the crowd feel quite the same as he walks across the top rope with such ease.
Thank you, Mark Calloway, and may The Undertaker finally, rest in peace.
A day in the life of two market researchers
Upon seeing the above sentence, my first thought was, who the hell worked that out? Here’s how it might have gone….
9:00am – “Good morning sir. Here, please wipe your backside with this sheet, then this one, and tell us which you think is softer.”
9:30am – “Erm, no you can keep that. Thanks.”
10:00am – “What? Oh sorry, we’re told we’ll get a cubicle next time. Yes, this aisle is rather draughty isn’t it.”
11:00am – “Hello, Customer Services? Who moved the Wet Floor sign? Well, we’ll need another. Yes, it’s happened again.”
12:00pm – “How many of these can your fit up your shirt, Robert?”
1:00pm – “We could’ve built a fort, Karen….”
2:00pm – “Baby wipes are on aisle 12, madam. Yes I know, I’m burning this shirt when I get home.”
3:00pm – “Could’ve asked us to do a vodka survey, but no, we…. What have you got in that flask? Oooh….”
4:00pm – “What even is my life…. No not you madam sorry, I was just muttering to myself….”
4:15pm – “Oh were we supposed to be counting? Let’s just round up to the nearest whole 100….”
4:30pm – “Might fake my death tomorrow. Oh, you too? Race you.”
5:00pm – “I underestimated how long it’d take for that fire engine to get here.”
Such thoughts keep me awake at night. Possibly.
Normally, I throw random questions at my friends on Facebook when I think of them; this time, I thought I’d collect a load and post them here.
– In this ultra-PC time, could Lionel Richie still get away with saying ‘Is it me you’re looking for?’ to a blind lady?
– Why is ‘amazeballs’ a thing but not ‘incredi-balls’?
– Are moths just goth butterflies, or are butterflies just moths who want to express themselves loudly?
(Either way, don’t tell them it’s just a phase they’re going through; they’ll only grow up resenting you for it.)
– Would actual ‘hindsight’ be all that attractive? I’m not certain that I’d want sight out of my hind.
– Who names carpets? Are there people out there with ‘carpet namer’ on their CV?
(Have a browse though a catalogue for examples.)
– If we ‘party until the cows come home’, when do the cows stop partying?
– If an asteroid entered our hemisphere, would it instantly become a ‘hemoroid’?
– What if Time Team is actually about Baldrick’s never-ending quest to return back to his own time?
– What if Wally/Waldo is sick of people wondering where he is all the time, and now thinks the world is full of weird obsessives who watch his every move. Kinda like a literary Truman Show?
Or, what if he wants to be found, and we’re just enabling/feeding into his constant need to be pursued?
(One time, I walked into Clintons, found a Where’s Wally card, couldn’t find him and subsequently had to leave feeling unfulfilled….anyway….)
– What does a glove fit like?
– Seriously though, turn down for WHAT?!?
Earlier this year, there was a rumour that WWE’s owner Vince McMahon was interested in buying the English football team Newcastle United. Whilst I’m still not certain how accurate this was, the thought occurred to me – what if Football was more like American wrestling?
Here are some ideas that could be transferred over:
– New costumes to replace their regular kits – entering the stadium with Ultimate Warrrior’s facepaint, Legion Of Doom-style shoulderpads or Golddust’s outfit would be an interesting way of adding more colour. I personally wouldn’t complain if one team dressed as The Headbangers, but then I would say that….Or The Hart Foundation, they were snappy dressers.
– More dramatic entrances – entering with Kane’s pyrotechnics along with The Undertaker’s entrance theme, that would intimidate the opposing team, right? ‘Bushwhacking’ optional.
– They perform all pre- and post-game interviews in the style of Rowdy Roddy Piper. Catchphrases to be encouraged, with use of “At the end of the day….” to be banned.
– Jerry Lawler (Jim Ross has been suggested too) to commentate. I personally think that Lawler is the funniest commentator they’ve ever had, and the current Lawler/Michael Cole/JBL team seems to work well.
– Matches in cages, or surrounded by fire.
– How about some run-ins? McMahon runs in dressed in a ref’s shirt, or members from the sub bench or even other teams get involved when the ref’s not looking, with a second/third ball, just to confuse matters.
– Anyone caught faking a dive/exaggerating an injury actually gets whacked with a chair.
– Blindfold matches. Strap matches could be fun too – imagine each player strapped to another from the opposing team.
– ‘Goals count anywhere’ matches; match boundaries are limitless, with a ‘jumpers for goalposts’ rule coming into play, depending on how far they get outside the arena. Ref to be supplied with a Segway, for the hell of it.
You’d potentially end up with a match of one team in Demolition’s attire, against a team of Doinks. One holding with a large snake, the other with parrots. Possibly.
My thanks to my Facebook friends for a couple of their suggestions.
….well that’s just really surreal, quite frankly.
The song goes, “When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.”
Soo, can I interpret this as, being in love, or ‘amore’ if you will, is like getting hit in the face with a giant pizza?
THE HORROR….unless you’re hungry. Really hungry.
Messy. If you hated pepperoni before, you’d sure as hell hate getting a faceful of galactic-sized portions of it, wouldn’t you? Stuffed crust, deep pan liaisons? Moving on….
“When the world shines, like you’ve had too much wine….” – Oh. Making more sense now.