Wishing death to fashioncore since 2005

Television

The Undertaker 1990 – 2017

A brief look back at career highlights

So I finally got round to watching what has been revealed as The Undertaker’s retirement match, against Roman Reigns at Wrestlemania 33. It was kinda sad, but I can understand why it had to happen.

But first, gonna go backwards to 1990.

I can still vividly recall sitting to watch Survivor Series ’90 (not only the first S’Series I had ever seen, but only the second big event I’d seen at that point, after Summerslam ’90 earlier that year). My dad would tape them overnight on a VHS tape for us to watch the following day, being too young at that point to sit up to watch. In the build-up, there had been a mystery surrounding the identity of ‘The Million Dollar Man’ Ted Debiase’s surprise 4th partner in his team, the other two being Rhythm ‘n’ Blues. The night came, and Debiase announces his identity, and what followed was the unveiling of the tallest, scariest looking wrestler I’d seen at that point – The Undertaker, hailing from Death Valley, accompanied by Brother Love. Love would of course eventually hand over management duties to one Paul Bearer, before being retired by The Ultimate Warrior a few months later. The Undertaker would go on to get himself counted-out whilst attacking Koko B.Ware, whom he had just eliminated.

One year later, ‘taker would go on to face and defeat Hulk Hogan at Survivor Series ’91, for his first Championship reign, though he would lose it back again just days later, in a decision that would eventually end up with the title being vacated and awarded to the winner of ’92’s Royal Rumble, Ric Flair. Sadly, this wouldn’t be his only short title reign over the years, or indeed the only time he’d be cheated of a decent win – for one example, jump forward to Royal Rumble’94, some might recall the coffin match he had with Yokozuna, which saw him defeated when seemingly most of WWF’s heel roster came out to assist.

A shot of The Undertaker’s article in the official WWF annual, 1994

There’s far too much in The Undertaker’s history to go into here, but many qualities, events and storylines would see him remain a firm fixture and eventually one of the most popular WWF/WWE wrestlers of all time. These include (just from memory by the way):

– His top rope-walking ability – impressive for anyone, let alone a man his size.
– 92’s face-turn, resulting in a match against former ally Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts at Wrestlemana VIII.
– His ‘disappearance’ in ’94 after the aforementioned coffin match, which resulted in (again) Ted Debiase bringing out a doppelganger ‘Undertaker’ (Brian Lee from SMW Wrestling, his real-life cousin), before the real Undertaker would come back to defeat the fake one at Summerslam ’94.
– The period during which Paul Bearer was also missing, notable for it being a time when The Undertaker’s wrestling style would actually change; even his critics would notice how capable, agile and fluid a wrestler he could be when tested.
– The longest Wrestlemania winning streak of all time – many wrestlers who fought him at Wrestlemania were never seen in the federation again.

A couple of trading cards and stickers, which came inside bubble gum wrappers

There were other moments which, for me at least, weren’t quite as enjoyable. The ‘Corporate Ministry’ thing just became silly (even though it did eventually birth the APA tag team of Ron Simmons and Justin Bradshaw), and his more humanised ‘American Badass’ image a while after this (with his Limp Bizkit/Kid Rock theme music) didn’t appeal to me as much.

Fast forward to 2014, and the match against Brock Lesnar. It has to be said though that The Undertaker was past his peak at this point, as much as I hate to say it – perhaps if the match had occurred in 2004, it would have been a different story, but the decision to break the streak ultimately laid with higher management. My annoyance with that match was perhaps overshadowed by that with Paul Heyman’s impression of a broken record for the next several months afterwards (“MY CLIEEENT….” yeah, we get it). Still, it was good to see ‘taker’s career continue afterwards, with a win over Bray Wyatt at Wrestlemania 31, and a strong match against Shane McMahon at Wrestlemania 32 last year.

From 1995, inside WWF’s official magazine

Jump again to 2017, and whilst I admit this is only speculation on my part, I can understand why he chose to end on a loss, rather than have one last win. One could argue that, had he won, he’d be constantly be dogged by ‘one more match’ demands and rumours – these would get annoying after a while. So, with that in mind, with a recorded loss instead, this perhaps would be a better way of saying to everyone (fans, industry, etc) “Look I’m done now, I simply cannot continue.” I personally, as a long-time fan, would rather see him continue to live comfortably and in better health, rather than see him risk it all to appease demand. Mark is 52 years old now, and has nothing left to prove.

There will never be another Undertaker. No one with the ability to build that atmosphere, with that mystique, no one who’ll make the crowd feel quite the same as he walks across the top rope with such ease.

Thank you, Mark Calloway, and may The Undertaker finally, rest in peace.

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Hey Hollywood, what about M.A.S.K?

Time for another 80s renaissance?

MASK Logo

Given all the remakes, reboots and movie adaptions of classic 80s/90s franchises we’ve had over the years (Transformers, He-Man, Turtles, Garfield, Thundercats, to name just a handful) I can’t help but wonder if the popular 80s cartoon M.A.S.K will ever get a turn? Is it about time it had a chance? Think it could work?

For those who don’t recall or are too young to remember – it told of the battles between the agents of M.A.S.K (Mobile Armoured Strike Kommand, the good guys), led by millionaire Matt Trakker, and the forces of V.E.N.O.M (Vicious Evil Network Of Mayhem), led by Miles Mayhem. These were fought with hi-tech transforming vehicles and each character’s unique weaponised mask, which gave the wearer powers such as levitation, laser beams/whips, heat rays, sonic soundwaves and holographic projections, among others.

Have a look at the intro here:

I had this one – Matt Trakker’s ‘Thunder Hawk’ vehicle.

MASK - Thunderhawk_2

Personally I thought this was one of the best toy/cartoon combos of the 80s, counting it amongst my favourites of the time. Whilst its true that previous efforts to update and/or transfer other franchises have been hit and miss (it can be argued that the GI Joe duo of movies are nowhere near as popular as the Transformers movies, and that the Thundercats reboot will never be as popular as the original), I’d still be curious to see how it could be transferred to the big screen, given a live action makeover for television, or just simply updated with a new series. It’s true that it’s very much a product of its time; it had an 80s-tastic stadium-rock theme tune (like many other cartoons of the time), end of episode “Remember kids, ___________” safety tips (similar to Inspector Gadget’s) and even main hero Matt Trakker often seemed to be powersuited with impossibly broad shoulders.

One Youtube user has even uploaded all the episodes – here’s the first, whilst it’s still online.

I’ve even thought of some casting suggestions for a movie, which are based partly on who’d work from a physical perspective, and partly on who I thought could fit into the role:

Matt Trakker – George Clooney (Maybe? He’s older than the character, but I think he could do it)
Alex Sector – Bryan Cranston
Brad Turner – Matt Damon
Dusty Hayes – Ryan Reynolds
Gloria Baker – Ellen Page
Miles Mayhem – John-Rhys Davies
Vanessa Warfield – Scarlett Johansson

Upon doing some research/image sourcing, I’ve found this site – turns out I’m not the only one expressing an interest! Check this out: http://www.agentsofmask.com/p/our-movie-pitch.html. They’ve come up with some good casting suggestions too.

It’s true that it could well turn out into a disaster, but with a good storyline and strong casting, added to the capabilities of today’s effects studios, it could potentially appeal to the fans of say, the current stream of X-Men or Marvel movies, and sit alongside Transformers as a successful revamp.

Image sources:
Logo – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M.A.S.K.
Thunder Hawk – http://www.agentsofmask.com/2014/09/toy-spotlight-thunder-hawk.html


TV gloom

“The sky is falling on our TV screen….”

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Above is a cover of a recent TV listings magazine. Upon seeing this, I had a thought – is there too much doom and gloom on TV today? Have we forgotten how to laugh? This much misery can’t be healthy? Would a more light-hearted story arc be too much hassle? No, let’s just colour everything a miserable grey shall we….

Couple these soaps with one particular teen soap, whose characters these days all seemly appear to be either psychos or home wreckers, and endless re-runs of documentaries about people being stopped at customs/on our roads and the like – they make whole series’ on these. Then there’s one unqualified man, constantly lambasting people who should either be seeing a trained counsellor or keeping their problems behind closed doors, for the ‘entertainment’ of the public.

Just recently, the one saving grace of daytime TV (in my opinion), aside from the usual repeats of sitcoms and Come Dine With Me, was Bradley Walsh’s The Chase. Remember when Saturday night TV was THE night for quality entertainment? Now it’s all voting for people’s futures. All the best programmes seem to be reserved for the later hours in the week now – and this doesn’t include the endless stream of pseudo-reality TV we have to put up with.

Still, as long as we have the likes Dr Who and The Big Bang Theory (I’m a geek, sue me) still coming, I guess it’s not all bad. I think Googlebox has the right idea too – laughing at the utter ridiculoussness of it all.

Can we remember how to smile again?